Do you know where the hammer hangs – A skald Story

Devised by Gunivortus Goos as his contribution to the ‚Skald-Evening‘ of the Eldaring regulars’ table Rhein-Main-Taunus “Fafnir’s Hoard, Held in April 2023

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The theme for this evening was the question of how Thor’s hammer came to the Giant Thrym,’ and the organization gave the competitors in advance the following information:

In the Lay of Thrym, part of the Prose Edda, the wonderful story is told how the Thunderer (Thor) and Loki disguised as bride and bridesmaid set out to retrieve Thor’s hammer from Thrym, which had been “lost” to the human friend. The poem starts with:

Vingthor was furious | when he woke up,
And realized | his mighty hammer was missing;
He shook his beard, | his hair stood on end,
As he searched for it | all around him.

[…]
Loki spoke:
“Have you hidden | Hlorrithi’s hammer?”

Thrym spoke:
“I have hidden | Hlorrithi’s hammer,
Eight miles deep | in the earth;
And no man will bring it back |
Unless I am given Freyja | as my wife.”

Well, that begs the question How did Thor’s hammer get to Thrym?

Who of you has the desire to participate, please write a story / a song / a poem (…) – please make sure that the contribution is not longer than five minutes. At the Skald-Evening in April 2021, your works of art will be presented – each participant may then pin on the honorary title “Skald of Fafnir’s Hoard 2021”. We are eagerly looking forward to your contributions!

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Here begins my story, with a short preface
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To understand the joke of the following story, it needs a short explanation.
The German expression “zeigen, wo der Hammer hängt” is literally translated as “show where the hammer hangs” and generally means something like “hit the nail on the head,” “bring out the main point,” etc. But it can also have a sexual meaning. So it can be really ambiguous. In the following short story  the sentence “Do you even know where the hammer hangs”, this double meaning is intended. It means both “Do you even know how to hit the nail on the head?” and “Do you even know what you can do with your penis?”

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Do you know where the hammer hangs
by Guus

Trimmie was a young giant, but within the species he was quite small in stature and so was his mind. He really could not be called clever or even intelligent. However, as he grew older, the juices in his body also began to flow faster as soon as he saw a female giant or Asynja or Vanir Goddess. But they had other things on their minds and in their blood than to make a covenant of life with a little giant.
And so his blood started flowing again when he was allowed to be present for the first time when Asir, Vanir and Giants held their annual barbecue party on Death Beach. By the way, they had chosen Death Beach because it was so close to the great hall of the goddess Hel and her dead creatures. They just wanted to tease them a little bit by letting the wonderful smells of the barbecued food waft through Hel’s Hall and then they couldn’t smell it there anymore… The dead have no sense of smell anymore.
But well, when Trimmie saw the beautiful Vanir Goddess Freyja swinging her hips sensuously right past him, his senses kicked in and he approached Freyja, admittedly in his very simple way:
“Would you like to go to bed with me? Then I’ll throw in an extra hot-water bottle for you.” Freyja was a bit surprised. Not because of the suggestion, she had to hear that almost every day, but because it came from a not even fully grown dwarf giant.
She had to grin, and in her dark, sensual voice she told him, “But boy,” she looked down to where a man’s most important parts hung, “do you even know where the hammer hangs?” Trimmie nodded eagerly. He didn’t know what she meant, but yes, nodding is always good, he thought.
Freyja made a joke out of the situation. Meanwhile, all the bystanders were listening, grinning broadly but pretending not to notice.
She said, “Well, if you show me the hammer, I’ll think about it.” To everyone’s amazement, Trimm did not undo his pants, but ran away and was quickly out of sight.
He ran straight to Thor’s hall, where the hammer Mjolnir hung on the wall next to the throne. Since no one else was there, it was barbecue time, and Trimmie was able to take the hammer off the wall unhindered, and then ran back to the beach of death, where the smell of barbecue still wafted in the direction of Helheim.
From a distance he was already swinging Thor’s hammer and shouting:
“I’ve got it, I’ve got the hammer, look, look, here’s the hammer. I knew where it was hanging.
The whole troop fell down laughing, but after a while Thor said, “Now give me back the hammer. And he walked over to Trimmie.
But the little giant ran away, crying, “No, no, first Freyja, first Freyja to bed. Hammer, hammer!” Thor tried in vain to take the hammer from the little one, but Trimmie ran away so fast that he was out of sight within moments. He went straight home, where he hid the hammer under his bed.
And then began the story from the Edda, how Thor came back to his hammer after all.